There was an old, drunk man on the Central Line at 11 a.m. this morning. Well, there were two but one was noticeably more inspired by his inebriation than the other.

Upon sight, one may have considered that these two men were not drunk at all, but simply newly tanned and their eyes were only wet because they were aged and that is what seems to happen to the elderly – their eyes seem to glaze over with teary wisdom. Except, Toobaa had felt the tangible consensus amongst the other passengers as soon as she had gotten on. They had united in their audience-ship of this inadvertent comedian and, exchanging smirking glances, they observed the articulations between these two old men.

Drunk: …

Drunker: [Looks up and down the carriage.] There ain’t a single Eeenglishman on this train! Nowheya!

Drunk: … *nod*

Drunker: Who carries the flayg, uh? Who? I’ll tell ya!

Drunk: …

Drunker: We’ve been doing this for… for… firty yeyars! Ain’t a single

Drunk: [Sighs and takes a swig of whatever remains in his bottle.]

Drunker: Eya! That’s not allowed on eya! They got cayyymmeras in eya on these trains! … Gi’s a drink!

Drunk: [Takes a deep breath, then thrusts bottle toward his comrade.]

Drunker: That’s what I like about you! Ha! Haa! You don’t give a daymmmnnn! [takes a swig]

Drunk: Don’t worry about it.

Drunker: Ha! Ha! [Then, adopting a Sylvester Stalone accent,] Don wowwy abbawt eh! Don wowwy ha! Ha! Don wowwy abawt eh! Ain’t a single

Drunk: …

Drunker: You know what? You know where all these Pakis come from?? I’ll tell ya!

Drunk: …

Drunk: They come from that f***ing ISLE OF WIGHT! Arrgh! Ha!