And thus, it does commence: Law School for the diligently flavoured Arabist. 0900 hours until 1800 hours a day. And then a whole lot more. And yes, I [the Arabist] am now required to stop using my poetic licence by starting sentences with ‘and’ and ‘but’ and to employ plain English and Latin phrases which, my Noddies, are not just translations- oh no. They are regal embodiments of entire philosophically decided doctrines and precisely travelled histories in themselves. And let us not forget the double negation, the triple negation, the nonsensical brain freezing negation. Even the canteen is persistent in trying the oaths we made to ourselves when committing to offer up our nesses [nesses] for the sake of the sitting sweet court structure concepts.

HOT WATER ONLY IS NOT AVAILABLE FROM THESE MACHINES

If Boro Pat saw this sign at the tea machine in his cafe, there would be words- angular and punchy Northern words. Spuggeh. Harry II did warn me about the plain English demands as he neeeooowed through the foreign lands, carrying his bursting acting career (aaakh thu) in his backpack.

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I shan’t defend badger killers. I shall defend my right to bloj ultra vires exhaustion. I shall employ the Latin, be it erroneous or not. I shall be the scribe of my land using the ink of my eye and maintain my right to be perfectly articulate in the bounds of my externally abstracted picket fence.

My resolution stands wisely, tall and powerful with mud grimed over the bottom of its legs in a heroic and admirable manner. It is, after all, the aftermath of an over hyped test. Holland and Webb and the Induction Manual, both concreted believers in their opposing take on the ‘fact’, faced one another in stalemate. But which to take as my advisory ally? And which to tear up insanely? I visualise glowing diagrams and revise with catatonic gestures, re-mapping the images, voodooed in the air and leaving it out in the atmosphere for later reference.

Noor, on the other hand, had consolidated detailed knowledge of the workings of the entire English Legal System into four succinct digits. But then, he saw the sign in the canteen which knocked the four numbers clean out of his head and he had to write them in thickly spreading ink on the panicked palm of his hand in order to remember them.

But this, right here, is my space. And, here, I can start with ‘and’ and ‘but’ [but never without a capital letter] and not cross them out when two negatives don’t make a positive and stop grinding my teeth at The Protection of Badgers Act 1992.

“S. 2 (1) A person is guilty of an offence if-

[…]

(d) he uses for the purpose of killing or taking a badger any firearm other than a smooth bore weapon of not less than 20 bore or a rifle using ammunition having a muzzle energy of not less than 160 foot-pounds and a bullet weighing not less than 38 grains.”

Mike kills a badger using a smooth bore weapon of 18 bore. Has an offence been committed?

Jane kills a badger with a rifle using ammunition with muzzle energy of 170 foot-pounds and a bullet weighing 45 grains. Has an offence been committed?

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