I never used to watch Big Brother. I’d always heard it was revolting and rather explicit and hence there was a lot of channel skipping in avoiding it every evening. Then one night, I heard a gasp from the living room. I ran in and saw the BB house on the TV and a look of sheer horror and revulsion on Ummi’s face. Oh no! What has she seen?! ‘That girl just brushed her teeth and didn’t even spit or rinse or anything!’ Eugh.

Big Brother as we know it? Pah! One of my versions would be to gather the most intelligent people of the country (measured by academic merit, IQ …and several other key tests) and put them all inside a somewhat Big Brotherish house. Then, they could be given fantasy tasks based specifically on genuine issues of the world and see what they churn up and what churns them up. Although, there would have to be one village idiot with them. Yes, he’s always useful.


            [Exhibit A] 

Goldilocks, on the other hand, did rinse today, I’m sure of it because I have to give her the benefit of the doubt. Although, I’m still unsure about how exactly one brushes their teeth in front of a computer, with a toothbrush and toothpaste. If it was a miswak, I could understand. You can use that anywhere, even when commuting to work, apparently.

Goldilocks dashed off to get ready for work, probably spraying toothpaste juice as she did, but not in time to hear my final tip. A toothbrush is the best exfoliation for your lips [exhibit A, above]. If you use it gently, it exfoliates and softens the surface skin, improves circulation (exfoliation is also massage) and helps give that wonderful, natural, reddish glow. If you use it harshly, you will not be pleasantly surprised. But you already knew that.

It should not be considered tragic that brushing my teeth is two (sometimes three) of my most favourite parts of the day. The squeaky clean squeaky feeling at the end is wonderful. And whilst I get through more toothbrushes in three months than most people do in a year, and whilst Salima claims she can hear me brushing in Sloth, the result is bright, spangly, pearly whites. De-lish. A bit of cranberry juice before breakfast also prevents streptococcus mutans bacteria from sticking to your teeth, keeping them sparkling. De-lish.